Coach Talks Give Us No Knowledge

I think it was in a book by Will Leitch over at Deadspin, that I read that Tiger Woods has literally nothing to say. He will talk and talk, but then when you really think about what he has been talking about, you realize that he said nothing of any importance. He is a complete master of manipulating reporters and fans into thinking that he gives us all valuable insight into his thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tiger, and I am more impressed than annoyed at this fact that I have come to believe.

So, when Bill Simmons wrote his latest peace over at ESPN.com I thought it was a great example of how coaches give us no additional knowledge into what is going on in the game. He focused on the NBA, as he always does, but this happens during NHL games as well. So, Simmons compiled some quotes from the coaches over the weekend, and he put his own little twist which is, as always, one of the few really entertaining things on ESPN.com. Here are some examples:

“Answer Carlisle gave: ”Well, we’re turning it over a little too much, and our shot-making hasn’t been there, and definitely we need to get better, it’s a little of everything.”‘

“Answer Spoelstra gave: ”Yeah, the spacing was OK, but we were a little careless. We had five turnovers.”

“Answer Woodson gave: ”Well, we’re still trying to just build a wall and be patient about our defense and not let them get a lot of play at the rim. They had a better third quarter. We got lax in the last five minutes, so we gotta pick it up in the fourth quarter.”

Simmons goes on to give the answer he wish that the coach would have said. The most common one is “I’m not dumb enough to answer that on live TV!” He hits the problem head on. The questions that these coaches are being asked deal with things like how they are going to cover someone, or what they need to do offensively. Coaches aren’t stupid enough to answer the question with a real answer. So, they give us fluff that you or I could make up on the spot.

I’m not trying to bash the coaches by any means. It seems like it is these national networks that actually think that we are stupid enough to think these interviews are actually helping the broadcast. I actually like the idea, but it just doesn’t work. In the end, we are better off looking at a graphic for 20 seconds then get a predetermined answer from a coach. I understand that it is supposed to bring us closer to the coaches, but there are not really fans out there thinking “Man, I really wish that I could listen to the coach tell me that the team down by 20 needs to start making shots. That would make me much happier!” Maybe there are those people, and I would love to hear what you get from these interviews. Maybe then, I could begin to enjoy them a little more.

We Now Interrupt Coach… [ESPN]